I Believe
by Grasshopper1
Summary: Grissom must look past science when someone close to him dies. GC


Title: I Believe Author: Lisa C. Spoilers: end of season 3 Disclaimer: Not mine, I don't even own the rock. A/N: I wrote this story months ago and was never really happy with it, but I heard the song again the other day and decided to post it. You guys at the Graveshift are great. I also wanted to left everyone know that this little story has a character death, but I hope that I did that justice. The song is called "I Believe" by Diamond Rio. Feedback is great.  
  
Gil Grissom sat at his desk and looked at the paperwork that had piled up. It seemed to be never ending. He had been head of the graveshift CSI team for eight years now and the paperwork was the only part of the job that he hated. He looked up for a moment just in time to see one of his CSIs walk into his office and hand him yet another case file.  
  
"Here's my report on the Jenkins kidnapping," Caroline said with a smile as she sat the thick file on top of one of the piles on his desk.  
  
"You know, I became a forensic scientist to solve crimes, not to push the paper around every time someone else solves a case," he said.  
  
Caroline looked down at her frustrated boss. She had known him for five years now and he still seemed like an enigma to her. Sara, Warwick, and Nicky had been there even longer than her and they didn't seem to know him any better than she did. If anything, they said that he had become even more closed off since she came on board.  
  
Grissom looked up and asked, "Can I do anything else for you? I believe that Warwick could use some help down at the Monaco."  
  
Caroline just smiled and replied, "Sure boss."  
  
Once again Grissom was left to himself. He looked out the door. Every time he saw her he was reminded of why she was there. And he was reminded of the person who had held the job before her. Before his entire world had fallen apart. Before everything in his life had seemed so mundane. Before Catherine had died.  
  
The very thought brought tears to his eyes. It had been five years and he still had a hard time believing that she was gone. Grissom looked at the clock on his wall. It was five-thirty in the morning and his shift was almost over. Damn the paperwork. He needed to get out of this office; he needed to be with her. He picked up his jacket and ran out of the building to one of the Tahoe's.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Grissom had one thing on his mind and he barely remembered driving into the desert. He pulled the SUV onto the side of the road and looked at the hills that lay out before him. He got out and started the short trek up one of the trails that led to a small bluff and a clearing. You could see for miles in every direction. The sun was just beginning to set. It was so beautiful. Just like Catherine, he thought.  
  
He perched himself on one of the rocks in front of him and closed his eyes. He could feel a small breeze blow through his hair and he felt the sun on his face.  
  
Every now and then, soft as breathe upon my skin I feel you come back again And it's like you haven't been A moment from my side Like the tears were never cried Like the hands of time were holding you and me  
  
Grissom could feel her. That's why he came here. He could feel her warm breathe on his skin and he could smell her perfume in the wind. He had come here the day of her funeral. He had barely made it through. He had wanted to be there for Lindsay and for the rest of his team, who too had felt a loss. But he couldn't, so he had come here. Catherine had told him what a special place this had been for her. She had come here when she first moved to Vegas and when things got rough with Eddie she would drop Lindsay off at her sister's and sit here for hours. And finally, she had also brought him here once after his surgery and they had shared their first kiss and he had taken her back to his apartment where they had made love for hours and lay in bed and talked about their future together. Had he known that she would die the next day, he would never have let her leave that rock.  
  
And with all my heart I'm sure we're closer than we ever were I don't have to hear or see I've got all the proof I need There are more than angels Watching over me, I believe, I believe.  
  
When he had left her funeral to come to sit on her rock, was the first time he felt her. He could feel her in his body and in his mind. It had been hard to believe that she was still with him. He had always been a scientist and it was very hard for him to accept some thing that could not be seen or proven. But he didn't care about proof anymore; all he cared about was that she was still with him. He had always felt a connection to her. The first time he saw her she was walking across campus as he was about to go into a lecture hall. And by chances of fate, she had ended up in his lecture. They became fast friends. And even through her marriage and divorce, he had been there for her. He had loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. He still loved her. She was still a part of him.  
  
That when you die your life goes on  
  
It doesn't end here when you're gone  
  
Every soul is filled with light  
  
It never ends and if I'm right  
  
Our love can even reach across eternity  
  
I believe, I believe  
  
Grissom looked out over the expanse of the desert. He knew that Nevada had been the only place Catherine had ever truly felt at home; and the only place he had ever felt at home was when he was with her. He rarely went home now. He felt cheated. Every time he unlocked the door to his empty house, he knew that she should have been there. She should have been sitting in his chair with her bare legs propped up over the side. She should have been in his bed. She should have been sitting in the floor playing with Lindsey.  
  
He didn't want to feel this way right now. He wanted to focus on Catherine. He wanted to feel her again. He wanted to open himself up to her the way it had been so hard for him when she was alive. He closed his eyes again and opened his arm. He smiled as he could feel her, her warmth washed over him and he could hear her voice wash over him.  
  
Forever, you're a part of me  
  
Forever, in the heart of me  
  
And I'll hold you even longer if I can  
  
The people who don't see the most  
  
Say that I believe in ghosts  
  
And if that makes me crazy, then I am  
  
'Cause I believe  
  
And all too soon he could feel her slip away. He could still feel her heat on his skin and every time she left him, he felt like she died all over again. But he also knew that she would be back.and so would he.  
  
There are more than angels watching over me  
  
I believe, I believe 


End file.
